#37. Having Some Hard Times

The good thing of having a blog is, you can whine and make fool of yourself as much as you please to. Getting too sentimental is something I always have wanted to avoid at all cost, but hey, even a delusional schizophrenic can have some hard time, right?

So already more than a year have passed since I was discharged from my service. That is good. I was not a devoted fan of something too organized to begin with. But the problem is, I have not been improved myself for the last year and a couple months. I am, as far as I can say, exactly what I used to be during my service or, now that I think of it, what I used to be before my service.

Now that is the problem. Because I am aware that I am stagnant, but cannot do shit about it. Something in my mind keeps bothering me whenever I get the vibe to make the better of myself. Coding? Unity? Blender? Pfft. I underestimated myself when I thought I am lazy. I am clearly despised of myself when I have to announce that I am now officially lethargic.

I have not read a single book for the last few months. I have not written even the shortest stories for the last few weeks. I have been slacking off for the last few days, even when I absolutely have things to do.

I am well aware that writing this post is only as good as making a big damn fool of myself in public. But I cannot stop. At least someone should know there is a pathetic whiner in the world.

So that is it. Nothing else. End transmission.