#2. Game Designer Delusion

Another 1 A.M. post. It's a long story, perhaps, and actually I'm losing track of this bullshit that's gotten into my head, so it would be rather hard to explain. But still, here we go...

My high school life was, I should say, nonexistent. I wasn't social enough to draw any attention from any other fellow students, and my school was rough for geeks. I lived three years in dorm, more than thirty miles away from my home. For the few months I had some hard time, what with being geek and temporary paranoid and whatnot, but I adjusted to my new habitat as a nonexistent man. I took a step away from anyone in the class, and did only what I had to do. I hardly cared about so called "making memories" stuffs, and concentrated on what I did best, that is, geeking out.

It was about then when I was introduced to some Japanese indie games. Touhou Project by Team Shanghai Alice (it's a one-man team, by the way) and Cave Story by Pixel Studio (another one-man team) what I admired. Both of them were decent games, one is a bullet hell shmup with cute fantasy girls and kickass music, and another is an action game with nostialgic sprites chiptune music. I was fascinated, I was enchanted, I was just mad at them. In fact, I was mad at the fact that one man can create an entire game out of nothing, nothing at all, and it has ever since been my motivation to keep up with my bullshits in my head.

Life gives you lemon, really. I majored in Japanese, then English, and frankly speaking, I'm not talented in anything related to making games. I can't program, I can't draw or design, I can't compose or play intruments. All I can do is just daydreaming, just hoping for my fantasy games coming true. Sure, making up your mind may be the first step, but making up mind only results in nothing. I have to admit, I'm good for nothing when it comes to making games.

Yet I dream of making games. Yet I dream of games, so many games, and wish them come true. Every other moment I write some random stuffs on my notebooks and notepad, draw some doodles that I justified myself as "concept arts," and brainwash myself that one day I could be a game designer.

I really need to wake up from my own dream, and get a life. End transmission.